It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
