I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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