sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
