either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
