She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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