i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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