The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
