I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
