My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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