I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
