Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
