walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Boobs are out for the taking
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
