I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
