woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
