Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
