If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
