i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
