she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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