Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
