Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
