they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
