Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
