Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
