I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize