drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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