I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
