All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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