I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We left the knife in your bed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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