I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
