oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
