We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
