Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
