What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
