So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
