I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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