I'm lost and stupid without you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
