you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
