my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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