Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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