remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
