Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
