i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
