I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
