I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
