Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
