Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
