Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
