Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
