Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
