Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
