I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
