I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
