you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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