remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize