honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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