Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
