i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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