You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
