I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Randomize
