o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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