I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
