Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Actions speak louder than pants.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize