Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
