you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
