he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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