She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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