My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
