I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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