I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
