ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
