Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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