You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
