I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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